They hsve been put into the middle by him not being honest. So, my daughter is always asking me things such as "Mom, dad just said this to me last week but then he did this, then he said he never said that and I said he did, then he punished me." If you know your child is lying to avoid getting into trouble, calmly describe the problem: “I see you got pen on the wall, how can we sort that out?” If possible, avoid lecturing or criticising your child as this tends to be counter-productive, leading to defensiveness and more lying. For example, parents might use a child's "allergies" as an excuse for not allowing a pet, or refuse to buy a child something he or she needs, only to spend that money on their own needs. Good luck , stay safe. Weigh your options before acting. Therefore, preschoolers' ‘lies’ often stem from innocent fantasy rather than deliberate deception. ... © Ricochet Limited 2017 | Website by Bionic Media. Which I let her know, that sounds very unfair and I'm very sorry that is happening with dad. The problem then is a choice between outright denial of truth to the child, which doesn't feel good, is corrosive to the relationship for reasons explained in the article, and traps the parent into lying-- or, replying that it's personal and refusing to discuss it, which has the same effect as admitting to the affair, giving the child more info than he or she is actually prepared for--particularly if there are other people involved in the situation who would suffer by the knowledge. My mother was so possessive. No you are not the only one. When parents divorce, they don’t love each other. Weak, weak, weak individuals who couldn't fight their way out of a paper bag I their lives depended on it. But only a few have had parents who were are horribly destructive as mine! He says that she made that story up because she was angry at the time and now she doesn’t have the balls to tell that it was a lie. Friendship problems.......What can you do if your little one is having problems making - or keeping - friends? This approach means that if your child does something wrong they’re less likely to take the risk of covering up with a lie. Children at this age frequently engage in wishful thinking, for example your little one says he didn’t hit his sister because he wishes he hadn’t, not because he is deliberately fibbing. Remember that consequences are about teaching a child, not inflicting distress. My mind may have been unable to retain the memory, but my body has no problem occasionally remembering it. They always become defensive which causes me to distrust my feelings.To save our relationship and to let them age happily, I have stopped confronting them, but it is still so painful when I find out they haven't been truthful. Much love to you, and hugs. And these parents are highly regarded by the public for their positions in society and well known in their communities. The granddaughters are changing their attitudes towards me and I feel it. My parents have lied to me and my two brothers since childhood. When the person is standing in front of you telling lies, try to ignore them or give them a simple “Oh." I grew up wanting to get free of them. Offering false reassurances. My family at the time was going through a big change, as we were moving to the U.S. from Canada for my "step dads" work. My father enabled her to live her bedridden, nervous life as a controller. It is a situation in which telling the truth could damage many other personal relationships. This from a 9 year old sounded to me she'd been "talked to" and it did not sound like something a nine-year-old would come up with on her own . However, one issue which your article did not cover is how parents must also be truthful about their own use of drugs when discussing their children's use of such substances. Dealing with these mental health issues on your own may be very difficult. I believe I started doing this because, I had determined that since my parents are lying to me, it must be acceptable to do this. They were both truly sick people. Parents need to own their failure in this scenario by sincerely apologizing.